All I Am, and All I Am Not

I used to think I had life figured out. Honestly. Not that I had every answer to every question, or knew how to parent. But I believed attitude is everything. I still have this belief, but until a year and a half ago, I had never been put to the test.

My life had been charmed, easy, happy. The biggest issue I had ever dealt with was my brother, who is an addict. Don't get me wrong. There is much pain and sadness in my soul about my brother.

In my adult life, any time I got worked up or upset or involved in an issue, I would always be able to calm myself by saying, "As long as it does not affect my little family unit of 4, I can handle it. I need to let it go."

And then I got a divorce.

My family unit of four, my world, was no longer what it once was. In a single moment, my entire life fell out from under me and the future, along with all of my dreams, were gone- pitch black.

I have always lent my ear as a friend. My friends have called me their , "Oprah" even though I've given away none of my favorite things. haha. Through this phase of life I have found several support systems of people healing in some way from some shift or loss. It has been incredibly powerful. INCREDIBLY.

I remember a beautiful story Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) shared at a weekend experience I went to years ago. She spoke of a woman who had 5 children in Ireland. Her husband left the family and never came back. She lived for her children. She took on single parenthood and struggled with all of its challenges. But every single day she put $1 away for herself- not to be touched for anything else. When her children were grown she had saved enough to travel the world. Her children were shocked. They had no idea she had her own dreams or wishes. They simply saw her as their mom.

So, this blog will be a different type of gift to my children than our family blog. My kids see me as their mom, but this will let them see me as the woman I am in the world. I am intentional about letting my kids see me as more than just their mom.

I am want them to see all that I am. And all that I am not.